Out of My Head

Long time, no entry

2005-01-18T06:16:02Z

We're back in school for the winter...and it's a fucking cold one at that. I can't believe how freezing it is outside. It hurts my face to walk around for too long. But enough about the weather. Lets look at the good things that are going on with school right now. Like the fact that I am taking some of the coolest classes I've had here so far. I have my first real GD course and it is rather awesome. I get to design wine lables as a first assignment. And I got to buy a bottle of wine and use class as an excuse. I do love the art school. Aside from the coolness though, I do have 17.5 credits of classes this term, and It's going to suck like this pretty much for the next year here too. But there's not much I can do about it if I want to graduate in a year...and virinder is here, so I must go and chat, and I'll finish this later. Peace.

Impossible

2004-11-05T15:54:16Z

Wow. Is it really over? Are we really broken up? Sometimes I still don't believe it. For so long I had built up this idea in my head that nothing could break us. We had been rattled before, but this...this is so much bigger. And I don't know what to do. I'm still so in love with her. I will always be. And I don't know how to let her go. I don't want to. A part of me still wants to believe that things will work out, that she'll call me up one day and say she wants me back. I hope and pray every night that she does. Cause I don't know what else to do. I did everything I could. I tried so hard for so long. I was there when she needed me, I tried my hardest to make her happy and to let her know that she is the most wonderful person. And I waited so long to be with her how we wanted. Long distance was so hard, and I prayed that we wouldn't have to do that anymore. And right when we wouldn't have had to, right when she got accepted at U of M, it ends. How do I deal with that? How do I move on from something that was so great? From something that I didn't want to end, something I wasn't ready to end. Part of me doesn't want to move on. It wants to hold out hope that someday soon she'll remember how great we were, and that we don't have to hurt anymore. maybe someday soon she'll come running back into my arms and tell me how she needs to be with me again, like I need her.

She's the only one I want to give my love to. But I'm hurting and I can't sit and wait. Cause if I do...it'll crush me. So for now, I need to start to move on. And I need to hope that she'll figure things out soon. Cause either way this goes, I don't want either of us to hurt anymore. We deserve better. She deserves better. Oh how I'll miss everything about her. He smile, her laugh, her kiss, her touch, her hair, her eyes, her smell, her love. Most of all, I'm going to miss that feeling she brought with her whenever she was around. I'm going to miss feeling alive. I want her back. I need her. And I just don't know where to go from here or what to do. I wish this was easy. I wish she just knew like before. Like I still do. I love her. But I guess I should stop pouring my heart out online so everyone can see. I guess I'll go now.

But first, I just have to say that I have the greatest friends anyone could ever have. You all have been there for me, to help me through this and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You all mean so much and I love you. And when you need me, I will be there for you. Thanks.

What is this?

2004-09-25T05:35:47Z

What is this? Why am I feeling so alone? Why do I get lonely so easily? Maybe it's just jealousy. It could be. even though I try not to be, I tend to be a very jealous person. Maybe it's cause all day long all I see are my roommates and their girlfriends together and mine is an hour away with no way to get to her or get her here. Have you ever felt like something was missing, like something was wrong and you just didn't know what? Have you ever felt like you weren't complete, like you weren't whole? Has it ever hurt to miss someone? Hurt so bad that you just want to tear your heart out so it doesn't hurt anymore? That's how I feel. And let me tell you, IT SUCKS! It tears away from me with every word I type. I sit here all day and look at these pictures and all it does is make me miss her more. She's always on my mind. Without fail. Every second of every day. And if I could only have one minute with her...I'd trade it all. Just for one smile. One look. One touch. Then maybe this emptiness I feel would be gone...at least for a little while. She is my everything. She is the stars that light my way. And without her...I'm lost. I hate being without her. I hate it, I hate it I HATE IT!! Why does this have to be like this!?!?!? For over a year now we've tried to make things as easy as possible and yet they just get harder. Whether it's school, or my family, or whatever, we just can't seem to catch a break! Why can't we just be together....? Why is this all that's been on my mind today? From the second I awoke. Maybe I just need to go back to sleep. So maybe I will. Only to dream of what's not laying next to me. I miss you Jackie. Goodnight.

I shouldn'e be awake right now

2004-09-22T06:14:22Z

But I am. I should be sleeping cause I have an 8:30 class, but I'm not cause I am hungry and I just don't want to right now. So instead I'm eating a chicken pattie sandwich and trying not to use the left side of my ass. It hurts alot cause I bruised it and got grass burn on it playing soccer tonight. But I had a good time and I guess that's the point. But on to more important things. Like my video. I have a really sweet concept and I would like to make it a reality. It's gonna be this action movie short. And I hope it turns out cool. Virinder is super pumped for it. I have to start filming something tomorrow. I really wish I had the weekend, but we'll see.

I had dinner with my dad tonight too. He was in the area working and stopped by and brought me some supplies and stayed for dinner. I wonder how he's doing. We kinda got into a big argument this summer. He made me feel so bad, but I let him know I was angry with him. I just wonder if he still thinks I'm angry or if he cared enough about what I said to start to change. We'll see I guess. But for now, I'm trying to act normal, and he seems to be on the nicer side lately.

I'm also getting frustrated already with the weekend only-if we can swing it-Jackie time. If our schedules didn't mix this summer, they definitely don't mix now. And I kinda feel bad sometimes cause I feel like the burden is on her to get here. So I want to try to go home sometimes. But I know that if I go home I won't be able to see her much at all. I'll have to actually be at home rather than with her. And it's not like either of us could spend the night. So it's just not that great of a situation if I go home. And like I said, our schedules are busy, especially Jackie's. And I know she wants to get here and see me, but I there has already been a two week stretch without her, and I know there'll be more, and possibly longer stretches. And it's not something either of us can change. So it just sucks and we're both annoyed, and nobody and nothing that happens makes it easier. It's almost as if the forces that be are against us. And all it does is make us both upset and it makes me spend my time thinking about her rather than doing things that need to get done. Cause I just feel so unmotivated when she's not around. Okay, I've probably gone into way more detail than anyone cares to read about, but I guess blogs are for getting things out, and I just had to get that out.

And now I'm out. Peace.

It's been a while

2004-09-16T07:07:30Z

2:38 AM and I decide to update this journal of mine. It's been so long since I've been here. So much has happened in the past five months. So much has changed. The summer passed by so quickly. I had an internship at a marketing firm this summer. I worked almost full time...about 35 hours/week. and the weekends were so busy. I could never find time to just relax. I do have to say, though that I enjoyed my weekends. I went to New Mexico to vist V-dizzle. What an amazing time. I loved every second of it. From the white water rafting to the hiking and sight-seeing, it was so worth the trip. I went to Kings Island too. Spent the weekend in Cinci with Adam at his Aunt's house. Another great time, even with the rain. And then there's Jackie. How I missed her this summer. We were so close and yet so far away. Our schedules never seemed to match, and things just weren't what we expected. But somehow, things changed, we changed and we realized just how much we love eachother. I realized that I'm not much at all without her. She makes my world complete. And then, out of nowhere, I was back here, in Ann Arbor. And she was far away again. It's hard when someone you care for so much is so far away. It's hard to get through the nights in my apartment all alone. I miss her so much when she's gone. And yet...I know she's with me. I know she loves me. And I know we'll be together again soon. There's a nice breeze coming in my window now. It's cooling off my room, which has been so hot for the past couple days. I do like my apartment though. It's quite nice. And I'm glad I'm living with the guys I am too. And Virinder's right across the street. It's a pretty good setup. Should be an alright school year. I really gotta get my head out of summer mode though. I've got to get focused on school. My classes are gonna be so much more work than they were last year...and this schedule...wow it sucks. But I am happy doing what I am doing. Sometimes I just know that this is it. This is where I'm supposed to be, regardless of what anyone thinks. And sometimes I'm just glad I made the choice to change my plans. But now I'm just rambling...trying to avoid homework or sleep or whatever it is I should be doing. I need to not do that this semester. I've got goals to reach. I've got expectations for myself. I need to stay strong. I will. But I need her with me. She'll be here soon.

2:59 AM and I'm going to bed.

All done

2004-04-26T18:18:15Z

Guess who's done with school!!!!! ME!! THAT'S RIGHT! And yes, I am excited to be done, but kinda sad that this year is all over. I'm not gonna be spending the summer in AA, which means that for me, all the good times at 606 are done with. Tis a sad day. BUT, at the same time, the summer is starting and that means I get to see Jackie more often and Adam and I can hang out...it's gonna be good times.

Speaking of Jackie, I got the car up at school for the last two weeks for the specific purpose of going to see her for the James Madison formal. It was such a good time. We danced all night (Jackie loves to twirl, even during the slow songs) and people were drunk, and it was soooo funny. I was glad I went. But the best part was that I got to see Jackie for 5 days straight! After seeing her so much though, it was kinda hard to go back to not being with her. So it's two weeks til we're together again...ahhh the long distance relationship :oP

And now I've got some work to do. Gotta pay off my summer rent, transfer bills, clean up the room and start packing, run some errands, and do the guys one last favor by cleaning up the house before I leave. Don't really know why I'm doing it. 'Cause I'm prolly not gonna come back here this summer and if the guys that are staying don't care enough to clean, why should I? In the end though, I am a nice guy, and I would like my last mark on this house not be left in dust and filth. and when I say filth, I'm being kind. This house has become a shithole. Anyone that lives here can attest to that.

On a completely different note, everyone should check out Long Since Forgotten. They're this sweet band that Virinder told me about. Go here: http://www.purevolume.com/longsinceforgotten and check out some of their music. It's good.

Alright, so I'm out. Hopefully I'll get to stay til Wednesday and play some football with the guys down at the stadium. That would be sweet. Later.

wonder why...

2004-03-31T07:45:39Z

So it's late and I should probably go to bed, but all of a sudden I feel so alone in this world. There's no one around. Now granted that's cause it's two in the morning, but I feel like no one's around anymore, and no one cares either. It hit me tonight just how much things are changing. This summer, my best friend is going to be going to New Mexico for the whole summer. and then next year at school we won't be living together. He's so busy with his work, and I'm busy with mine, and I feel like I'm not gonna see him much anymore. Like we're gonna end up drifting apart. Jackie is amazing. I'm so in love with her, and I know she feels the same about me. There's a place in my heart where she is, and I know that even when I feel so alone, she's with me. Sometimes I feel like she's all I have. And even now, I can't have her here with me. She's in EL and I'm here in AA. What crap is that. I see her once a week, sometimes less. It kills me when we're apart. I feel like there's a part of me that's missing. Like something is wrong and only she can fix it. I feel alone at night. It's hard not having her to hold on to. And that coupled with people being non-existant all the time...it's just so hard. I mean I realize that things are changing and that people are beginign to build their own lives so of course they're busy. But I guess there's just a part of me that was hanging on to how things used to be. Hoping that some things would stay the same. And I feel like people don't care much anymore. I feel like now that everyone has been presented with the choice of putting forth some effort and being a real friend, or just doing their own thing, they're thinking for themselves. I feel like people have always asked me to put so much into relationships and now they're kicking me to the curb. And I'm still supposed to be civil about everything and act totally normal. How can I do that? It's so hard to still be the nice guy who treats everyone with respect when I feel like so many people wouldn't care if all communication between us ceased. I guess I feel like all my efforts are for nought.

And so who do I turn to? When Virinder's not busy, I have him, no question. But like I said, all summer in NM. And then there's Adam, who's great, but he's in EL too, so there's not much chance of him being around, or us hanging out. And then there's Dennis and Dennis. Great guys, but they're lucky and their girlfriends live in town, so I don't see them much either. And then there's Jackie. And when I'm with her, all my cares go away. All my troubles are gone. But I feel like I'm gonna see her less and less as time goes on. Next year she's gonna be so busy with school and rushing. Then, hopefully she'll get to study abroad, which means she's gone for a whole summer, and it's so hard already. I hate to think about not being with her for so long. I hate to think about her not being with me for so long. I know things will work out, but it just gets to me sometimes, and I end up feeling so alone. So lost. So insignificant. Like I don't matter. I just wish my life didn't feel so meaningless. I wish I felt like I mattered. And I feel like the only people I matter to are sleeping downstairs, or in East Lansing. And that's tough to deal with.

It's getting warmer outside which means summer's coming. New opportunities, new life, summer fun. And I suddenly feel like it won't ever be the same. It's hard to say goodbye to the ones you love, even when you know that you're going to say hello again sometime soon. And I feel like it's already happeneing.

I sent in my resume to 5 different companies for summer internships. I thought it was pretty impressive. I thought that I had finally made a good choice with goign to the art school. I thought that this is what I was supposed to be doing and that I was good at it. But no one has responded yet. Maybe I was wrong. And if so, does that mean that my life is a total screw-up? Did I miss the pick a meaningful life counter?

But then...maybe things aren't so bad. Maybe if I just take my head out of my ass and look around, I'll see that there are things worth waking up for. There are people that care. People that that I matter to. People that are family, or so close, that they may as well be. I know how to do what's best for me, and I know when to stop worrying about others and do for myself. But I have a hard time living my life just for me. I need to have people around. I need to know that the people that I love and trust are happy. That is more important to me than anything. And there are those people out there. And I'm going to try as hard as I can to hold on to them and show them that their cares are returned. Because being with them makes my life wonderful.

Bed time.

Home for break

2004-02-22T05:30:13Z

So it's apparently the start of spring break...in FEBRUARY!! What the hell?! Why is it that the University of Michigan has to give us our spring break when no other school has theirs? It sucks. So I guess I just get to sit at home and chill all week. I really have nothing to do and I know that my parents are going to keep me here as much as they can. It's going to be one long boring week. WOO!

But I guess Virinder and I are going to get together and practice some songs which should be cool. I bought a guitar, so I'm excited to learn some songs all the way through. It should be sweet. But it'll be wierd not being on IM all the time.

Jackie came to visit for Valentine's day and it was so much fun. She came again last night and left today before I came home. We had a blast at Borg's birthday party. And then I had to take her back to school. I miss her alot and it's only been a couple hours...this is going to be a very long week.

I decided that I miss school already too. and not just being there. I miss the way it used to be. Everyone's so busy now and never seems to be around. The guys that have significant others are always gone, and everyone else, it seems, is just never around. I come home to a ten person house, and I'm the only one there. It's kinda sad, and it only makes me miss Jackie more. And then on top of that I have to deal with my parents hassling me about anything and everything while I'm home, which makes me want to be here less. The little things in life are starting to get to me.

But yeah, whatever, I think it's time for me to go to bed, but I guess I really don't feel tired. I've got some things on my mind and I can't really sleep. I'll probably post again in another month. Goodnight.

So it's late

2004-02-05T06:09:42Z

...and it's been a while since my last update. I guess I got to the point where I wasn't sure I wanted to update anymore. I felt like I didn't have much to say really. I mean things seem like they're settling in. Classes are going, home is just fine, school is school. I guess the only thing that I would really write about here is Jackie, and I don't really want to put our entire relationship on display. Things are great between us. I miss her like crazy when she's gone, and I still get to see her as often as possible. I dunno, I guess I just thought that if that's all I would be writing about, people wouldn't want to read it, and I don't know if I would want people to. Whatever.

So spring break is early this year. It's the last week of February, and every other college on the planet has their's two weeks after. Which is just peachy you know because that means that I don't get to see my friends, my girlfriend, or my sisters over break. WOO! I love this university. Hmm...maybe I'm just getting that late night-haven't slept-crabiness. I'll try and keep it to a minimum.

Superbowl Sunday was a success. We had a party here that ended up being larger than planned. We had about 25 people here total, and it was so sweet. Good food, good beer, good game, great atmosphere. For those that weren't here, get jealous.

I've been feeling kinda blah lately. Things just seem to be going. School is more work than last semester, and I can't stand my CFC class. It's by far the biggest waste of time in the world. I could spend three hours banging my head against a wall and I would probably benefit more than I do from the three hours of class I have every Tuesday and Thursday. It's ridiculous. My overbearing parents also decided that I can't live up here over the summer. I love that, ya know. I'm 20 years old, I pay for my own education, and yet, my parents still like to make decisions for me. What a bunch of bull. It pissed me off when I talked to my mom about it. And on top of that, they gave my car to my sister cause she got into an accident with hers and she can't pay for it!! BULLSHIT!! I have a car that's supposed to be mine, I can afford it, I have a place to park it, and what happens? My sister gets it. AUUURRRRGHHHH!!! Annoying as all hell.

These 8:30's are kicking my ass. I hate them. I hate the art school for scheduling them. What ass. And then I got that Goddammed lecture at 5:00 on Thursdays. Augghhh...I think I'm just tired. I should go to sleep. I'm going to. I'm going to dream of things that make me happy. I'm going to dream of Jackie.

I miss you

2004-01-16T07:48:05Z

You're out at a party right now, and well...you're drunk, I'm drunk, and I miss you so much. I wish you were here. I want to go to sleep, but it doesn't feel right not to have you with me. I love you, Jackie...goodnight.

Is it just me...

2004-01-14T01:02:14Z

...or is it getting lonely in here?

Dennis has left me. He's got his woman now...he'll be with her all the time. I'm very happy for him, but sad for me. Who's gonna come into my room now and complain about how cold it is and curl up in my sheets and talk to me for hours on end? ::SIGH:: I'm Dennisless.

::SIGH:: I am also Jackieless; She's back at State. I miss her so much. Is it bad when one person is on your mind all the time? I think it is. I'm gonna try and work on that; Try and think about school or something, cause that tends to be important for the grades and such

On a happier note, we found an apartment. Bonus: It's right across the street from Virinder! WOO! This makes me very happy. It sucks not living with him next year, but at least now we can hang out often.

Alright, I should probably work on my homework now. In the words of Incubus, "Goodbye, nice to know you".

Matthew Good

2004-01-07T06:49:08Z

From the video for "Weapon" by MG:

"Couldn't sleep again last night. It's been like that lately, don't know why really. Haven't been bothered by it in a while, so it's back to the ceiling watch and the numbers and the remembrances of faces that I've lost. Why do I do that do you suppose? Just like I think of you."

"There’s no way to know where to go from here. It seems to me I’ve been thinking about it all these years you’ve been gone, like there was some big mystery out there coming for me. But the longer I sit here and wait for it, the more I realize that it’s never going to come. That it was up to me to go and dispel the myth of it myself. But having realized that, it’s like my feet are stuck in cement and I can’t move. You know Chris has kids now, a boy and a girl and you’d love them. Tamer than we were when we were little. I look at them and think that maybe Chris had if figured out a long time ago. That he went searching and figured out that there’s just some old man standing behind a curtain pulling ropes and levers. Sometimes I want to ask him about it, but I can’t bring myself to do it. What would he think I wonder? Who would be the failure then?"

Matthew Good Band - Strange Days:

"And we're done lying for a living
The strange days have come and you're
You're gone, you're gone
Either dead or dying
Dead or trying to go"

I get the wierd feeling every time I read those words or hear those songs...makes me think about life....Everyone should definitely listen to both, and get the video for them too...makes the songs that much better.

So it's back to school. Got class at 8:30 but I'm not really tired. Trying to think of a way to always know the right thing to say. It's dissappointing when you come up short and can tell. I just wish I knew what it is that pushes buttons when you think you're helping. Whatever...it'll be okay. Time for bed.

Busy

2003-12-06T21:05:34Z

I'm currently sitting in my room in my towel. I just got out of the shower and don't quite feel like changing yet. I figure I'll cool down a bit first.

Today is supposed to be a real busy day for me. I've got three final projects to work on. Never any fun. But they should get done. I have faith in myself.

So there's alot of gossip going around the house after our drunken escapades last night. Some of which I don't think I'm allowed to mention here. But now I've got you all wondering what went on. And you're wishing that you hadn't read this post, because now you'll be thinking about it all day and want to ask me about it at some point, but you know that I'm just going to say, "Sorry, can't say." MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Okay, power trip is over. I guess I should get dressed now. I'm out.

Late night

2003-12-05T08:26:27Z

Wow...two updates in less than a month.

It's like 3 in the morning, and I can't sleep. I got a four hour nap in earlier this evening and now I can't sleep. Blah. I should be using this time to work. I've got so much to do. But instead, I'm updating the journal. So it goes.

I'm thinking about trying to grow a goatee. I know I don't have enough hair for it yet, but I think I might give it a whirl anyway. Just not shave it for a while. I dunno...these are the kinds of random thoughts that flow through my head this late.

I have no idea where we're living next year. Everyone keeps asking me if we've found a place yet. I haven't. And If they're asking me I assume they haven't. And since no one seems to want to take initiative, I'm getting my carboard box ready. I'll set it up next to Big Dennis's. He's getting his ready too. We're looking at a couple places. I'll probably call on them tomorrow...today...whatever.

I miss Jackie. Last weekend ended on a bad note with her, and I've been feeling it all week. We haven't laughed together in a while. There was talking that went on, but it wasn't the same. Then tonight on the phone, I felt it. She made me smile. She made me laugh. It was so nice. It was like she was here with me again. I can't wait until I get to see her again. She's gonna come visit here on wednesday of next week. She's done with exams and I'm done with class and I don't have any exams, so It'll be a nice time. No worries except that at some point, we have to go home. But I'm happy thinking about it.

Home...blah...that means I have to work over break...not cool. I really don't want to back to work. I'd really rather just use the time to relax and shop and not do much of anything else. Visit friends, have a relaxing break. Instead, it's back to Vince and Joe's for me. Ewww, just mentioning them makes me dread going home for break. And that's not how it should be. I really want to go home and see everyone and spend the holidays with the fam. It'll be nice in the end I guess. Just as long as I don't have to work too much. And plus, New Years Eve is gonna be sweet as hell. I'm gonna go visit Adam up at state and we're gonna party like it's the new year....and it will be! I'm pumped for it.

Alright, gonna try to sleep now. G'night.

Omnidirectional

2003-12-01T22:08:36Z

One more thing! WTF is the deal with wind when you're walking?! Why is it freaking omnidirectional!? Any way I walk it's in my face! Pisses me off. Alright. Later

-Adamo

brrr...

2003-12-01T22:06:56Z

::RATTLE RATTLE::

You know this windows rattling in the wind thing is really starting to get to me. As is the draft that we seem to have throughout the house. My nose gets cold just being downstairs and my fingers get cold just sitting in my own room. And my room is the warm one on the floor!

So I got to see Jackie both weeks that I didn't think I was going to. I went to the Ohio state game on saturday and came back and went up to north campus to work on my CFC project. I ended up staying there for like 6 hours! I was so pissed...just thinking about it pisses me off. But towards the end, like around 10:30ish, I kept getting calls from people telling me I need to get home ASAP. So I do. And who is waiting there? You guessed it. Jackie. Ahe convinced her friends to drive her here and she came just for the night, and left in the morning. I was happier at that moment than I had been all day. It was so great to have her here. I love that she did that. I can't say enough. Then I got to see her agin this weekend when we both went home for Thanksgiving. It was nice just to spend time with her. Just to be around her. Things were a little crazy on Saturday night when we got together, but everything turned out okay.

::RATTLE RATTLE::

The Thanksgiving potluck was a success! I made a 20lb. turkey! I've never cooked a turkey before, and it came out pretty good. My favorite comment was when Jeff said it was better than his mom's, but that he couldn't tell her that. It made us all laugh. Everyone's dishes were great. The stuffing, mashed potatos, casserole, pie. Mad props to all who cooked. It was a good time. And then I passed out on the girls' couch and was woken up when it was time to go.

::RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE::

So Virinder gave me my birthday present last night. I was sooooooo anxious to get it. It was LOTR special extended version boxed set with the Golem statue (or action figure as some would call it...Virinder). In any case, it's sweet as hell. I saw the movie when dennis bought it, but I'm ready to watch it again. too bad I have a butt-load of stuff to do. Man i'm so behind. I really need to get cracking on this work, I shouldn't even be updating this journal right now because I dont' have the time. But I don't want to work right now, so I'll just sit and type for a while.

I also got gifts and such over break. I got a new sweater from my sisters for my birthday, because they hadn't gotten me anything. I told them they didn't have to, but they insisted, and fortunately have very good taste :) I love it, thanks. I also purchased a new sweater myself from Express because I needed something red to wear for family Christmas pictures. Those were fun. We took one with my dad accidentally sticking his tongue out. It was pretty good. But we didn't keep it, which I guess is understandable. And then I got a couple new CD's and a DVD also. I ordered the "Few and Far Between" and "Ari Hest" albums that I've been wanting and they both came in the mail. They're so great. I love FAFB. There's something about the way the vocals go with the music, and the notes they play that's just...wow. Good music. And I picked up "The Birdcage" on DVD. Great movie. If you haven't seen it, do so. Soooooo funny. Well worth the $8 I paid.

::RATTLE::

Well I guess that's about all I got for now. I really need to get to work, but will probably end up being distracted as usual. This is really not a good trend. Just gonna give a shout out to Adam and Karyn, I'm looking forward to the Christmas dinner. And also one to Jackie. I know you've been stressing alot, but like I've said, it'll all work out. I know it will. See you in 10 days! I'm out.

-Adamo

::RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE:: <---Get's annoying doesn't it?

I Believe in a Thing Called Love

2003-11-14T16:22:01Z

Is it wrong to like that song? I dunno. That guys voice is sickeningly high. And I'm not sure about the whole late 70's-early 80's-epic-hair metal band-vibe they have going on. But still, for some reason it's catchy as hell. And the guitar solos are sweet.

So I get to go home this weekend. Woo! I'm excited. I get to go home for my birthday, and get presents. How cool is that?! It was my birthday on wednesday and good God was it fun. I apparently had a great time....until I decided to break the kitchen table and stare at a corner of a wall across the room for four hours. Oh man....good times. You all shoulda been there. Anand decide to have a party that night and we had a damn good turn out for a Wednesday.

Oh and Ed! What a player! He's Going to New York to ask Carol to marry him! Next week's episode is gonna be sweet. I'm pumped for it. This my show.

And there's apparently a thanksgiving potluck going on at 411 State in a week. I think I'm gonna make a turkey for it, cause no one has said anything about that, and I think you need one, right? I mean, how hard could it be to make a turkey? Well I believe I'll find out. It should be good times though, I know i'm excited. Oooo! And I just realized that it's the weekend of the Ohio State game! Oh man! That is gonna be a sweet weekend. Alright.

Only two things I can't really be excited about right now. ONE: I have a buttload of work to do this weekend. Not looking forward to it. Not at all. And TWO: I probably don't get to see Jackie for two more weeks! Even less cool. I miss her alot and it definitely sucks that probably I have to wait until Thanksgiving to see her. Not happy about that.

Alright, well I should be in class right now, but I'm not. So I'm going to try to make the most of my time, and be productive. Later.

itstallion83 @ 2003-11-06T21:37:00

2003-11-07T05:30:54Z

Apparently The Matrix: Revolutions isn't doing too well at theaters. I don't know why either. I've heard that it really isn't worth going to see. But I'm still gonna go. As for right now though, I'm sitting here in my room finally updating my journal. Who'd've thought? (can I use a double contraction?) Oh well. Anyway, I guess I'm supposed to say stuff about what's going on in my life. I tend to agree with Sean though. I don't see how some people can update three times in one day. I feel like if I update too soon, I'll just end up saying the same thign over and over again, and I don't want to do that. but I guess since I haven't said anythign for a month, I do have a bit to say. The next few paragraphs are going to be quite random.

So this weekend is gonna be sooooooo good! I can't wait until tomorrow. Jackie's coming here tomorrow evening and then on Saturday morning we're leaving for RENT in Columbus! WOO! I really want to take her there. I know she'll love it, and she's been stressing so much lately. I really just want her to enjoy herself and get her mind off of everything else. It should be a good time. I'm excited!

For the past few weeks, Dennis has been trying to convince me to take her to FLORIDA!! I've been trying to tell him no, but he persists. It's so improbable, it's almost not worth even talking about.

I've got this huge art project coming up soon. It's supposed to reveal something abou ourselves gradually. And there's alot of considerations too. I've got alot of idea's but I don't think I can pull any of them off. And on top of that, I don't know what it is I want to reveal about myself... ::sigh::

GOD!!! Too much noise...I'm trying to listen to some Dredg here in my room, and I've got people outside the door talking loud and a band in the basement that decided to practice on a Thursday night! right in the middle of the Friends/ER block of television! Who does that!? Whatever though, I guess anytime they decide to practice will be an inconvinience to someone in the house.

I bought six bottles of wine tonight. Meijer had some on sale: three bottles for seven dollars!! can't beat that. So I gave Gorney and Carmela $20 and told them to buy me some. It was GLORIOUS!

ALright...it's late now, and I've been talking to other people for the past two hours. I've completely ignored any "flow this might have had. Whatever. I'm out.

Music

2003-10-02T01:33:21Z

One more thing. I hate when I want to listen to music and have an entire library at my disposal and can't decide what to put on next! I hate that! Don't you?

ED night

2003-10-02T01:30:12Z

So it's Wednesday which, you all should know, means it's the greatest night of television. Ed is on. This is the best show on television. No questions. I don't know how to begin to describe it. It's an experience that must be had by all, first hand. And tonight's episode was phenomenal, by the way. I wonder though, if they're going to continue the show for much longer. If you watch it at all, you'll know why I question this. The series finale would be a sad day indeed. Alright, I'm sure you've heard enough about Ed, and I'd rather not think about the end of that show. So.....let's talk about something else.

Like my inability to sleep properly as of late :P Alright, so this isn't a good thing at all, but I just can't seem to get it right. Two nights out of the past week, I've been up until at least 4:30 in the morning. An on both days I had an 8:30 on North Campus. Not cool. Don't know if it was things on my mind or what, but this is totally fucking with my schedule. Hell, I napped for over 5 hours the other day! This is not a good thing! I have things that need to get done!

On a brighter note, it's apparently snowing in Mt. Pleasent. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! I just find that extremely amusing 'cause both of my sister's go there. And sure it's cold as hell here, but at least it's not snowing! HAHA!

On an even brighter note, Jackie's coming to visit this weekend. I can't wait. Two weeks without her is two weeks too long. She needs to be here ASAP so I can makeout with her. I miss her.

Alright, that's all I got for now. I'd go into more detail, but I really must get ready to freeze my ass of playing IM soccer tonight. I'm out.

Back to A2

2003-09-21T21:59:05Z

So I'm back here in Ann Arbor, it's late afternoon, I'm showered, and getting things back on track. I'm about to go do my laundry, but decided to check the email and make a much needed update to the LJ. Everyone keeps asking about classes and how they are going. Just to let you all know, classes are going awesome. I love going to them. I have 8:30's on North Campus, and I actually want to get up to go to them! Big change from last year. I actually missed class on friday, cause I woke up late and felt like shit, and I felt bad about it! That's never happened before. And the missing class won't happen again. Speaking of class, I love the School of Art and Design. In an email I just recieved, I read the following, "no class on Friday, October 10" Woo Hoo! Who's got an extra day of fall break? ME!! Not sure what I'm gonna do with it though...

Here's an idea: Maybe I'll go see the girl who brightens every moment of my day. The girl that I think I could fall in love with. Or maybe I'll go see Jackie ;o)

Seriously though, I had an amazing weekend with her. She came to visit me on Friday, out of the blue. She calls me and asks if she can come, and of course I say, "no question". I currently can't think of a scenario where I would not want to see her. Now our buddy Mat had also come up on Friday to visit. So on Saturday, he drove, Jackie, Sean and Me to state for the day. We had a great time that day. I hung out with Jackie and her friends and then Sean and Mat came by too. We had some drinks, and Sean hit it off with Jackie's friend, and I spent the night holding Jackie in my arms. I had to leave her today, to come back to school. I didn't want to go. I'm missing her already. A week is a long time to go without seeing her. And now I might not see her for two. That's way too long.

"Cause it's you that I'm running to baby
It's you that I'm feeling for lately
And it's like a pain that never goes away
And it always starts today
Cause you are home to me, Cause you are home to me"

She's the one I want to be with, and it's nice to know she feels the same. I know she'll probably think I'm wierd for putting this up here for everyone to see, but here's how I see it. Have you ever had something so great happen to you, that you wanted to shout it out at the top of your lungs? So amazing, that you wanted to tell everyone cause you think your happiness is contagious and they'd feel better having heard the news? Well, this is my shout, this is my news, that was my weekend. Later.

So I drew today

2003-09-10T05:34:40Z

So I'm updating again mostly cause Dennis told me to. He was bored. In any case....classes are interesting. On my first day of Art 130, we froliced in the grass for a good half hour. This is what college should really be like. Going to class, running around, and then going home to no homework. Sounds good to me anyways. But I have had other classes that I actually do work for. We started painting in my paint class on Monday. I enjoyed that so much. It felt good to have a brush in my hand again. It had been so long since I had painted. I didn't realize how much I missed it. I have that class again tomorrow. Needless to say, I'm excited. I also drew today, for several hours. Woke up early, and did an assignment for my drawing class. I was much more confident about my drawing skills during and afterward. I gotta say, drawing under a time limit was never cool. I always want to redo things until they're "perfect". And in class there's just not enough time. So I was definitely feeling better about not having a time limit for this take home assignment.

This "art school thinking" is gonna be hard to get used to. There's no right and wrong, there's no correct way to think. It's all ver arbitrary. It such a drastic change from the engineering logic I have always been taught. some might say that the Art school is "easy" and that i'll have a super easy time this year. But I gotta say, there's so much competition there. You have to be talented and be able to adopt this type of thinking that right now makes no sense to me. I mean come on! I ran around in the grass for one of my classes! What the hell did that teach me!? Apparently something important. I just wish people would know that this is gonna be more difficult that it seems.

As for the weekend, party at 606. There has been talk that this weekend is also Arborfest. Well fuck that, we're still throwing our party. And everyone should come. Cause I said so. And we're gonna hava tiki bar damnit! So Adam should be coming to town Saturday evening for the party, and Jackie hopefully will be coming on Friday. We'll see how it works out. But it's late now and I'm off to bed. 8:30 class. They suck. I'm out.

Oh, and HALO is freaking awesome.

For Jackie

2003-09-08T08:25:24Z

Thinking of you, because I like to.

Had such a good weekend with you. Some intriguing coincidences, good laughs, and you in my arms. Thanks. And now it's way too late to be awake.

College

2003-09-04T05:42:09Z

This place just feels like home. I feel so....in place here. And I've got such a good feeling about this year. My classes are looking up. Even the ones that I go frolicing in the grass for :P I've got a three hour class in painting and one in drawing...it's such a crazy schedule. And move in weekend was awesome. Got trashed on friday, threw up, and woke up with a meaga hangover. U felt like shit all day. Which made me a little disappointed, cause both my dad, and Jackie were coming that day. It was hell until about 5-6 o'clock. I had a nice nap, ate solid food and felt much better. Then Sunday was fun, everyone got drunk again. Monday was sort of the clean up/get organized/buy supplies day. It was still cool. Did I mention that just being here is great? And now, I'm going to state on friday to visit, and it's gonna be freakin' sweet! I can't wait! Adam, we're gonna party hard. Jackie, I can't wait to see you. I miss you. Here's looking forward to the weekend.

(insert equivalent here)

2003-08-24T19:23:52Z

Wow...so I was up until about 7:30 this morning playing Diablo II with virinder dave and dave's friend. We had a LAN party. During this event, which was awesome by the way, I get a call from Jackie, who is drunk at a REAL party. God I'm a loser/nerd/dork/(insert equivalent here). In any case, I did have a blast, and thanks V for letting us use your house. The worst part of it all, was that I had to go to 12:00 mass today with the family. So I got about two and a half hours of sleep. That sucked. I'm so dead tired. I'm gonna sleep for about 16 hours tonight...to make up for lost sleep.

Wanted to say bye to Rob last night. But I got the call to come over too late :P Otherwise, I woulda been there. I hope he has a good time at college. I know the first year away was rough for me. But, GOOD LUCK ROB!

I'm out.